Dumb Dumb Dumb

I'm so upset right now. I am so disappointed. This is the kind of stuff that makes me ashamed to live in this country. We've come so far yet we fall so short sometimes.

Why must everything come in such small steps? Why is it a constant battle to prove that everyone in this country deserves the same rights as others, no matter who they love? It doesn't matter that Proposition 8 was passed by the voters. It represents hate and intolerance. It is backed by groups so blinded by religious doctrine and soaring ignorance that they can't see that they aren't protecting marriage, they're simply protecting the destructive and cruel mindset of those too small-minded to see the world outside their dumbass bubble. Denying marriage to those who should never be denied is not championing the sanctity of straight marriage, it just makes you look fucking STUPID. As crude as that sounds, that's what you are: FUCKING. STUPID.

I am allowed to get married. Many of my friends are not. What makes me any more qualified to legally bind myself to another person than my friends? I am so frustrated with today's ruling in California, and while I know it's not even remotely close to the frustration my gay and lesbian friends must be feeling right now, I think it's important to note that as long as we continue to discriminate against people, any people, for any reason, we all suffer immensely.

Two of my friends, who were lucky enough (is that the right term?) to marry during the small window gay marriage was legal in California, are allowed to remain married. This is a huge relief, of course, but my heart is broken over those who weren't fortunate enough to make it to their city or town hall in time. It's unforgivable.

Each state that has yet to pass an equal marriage law should learn from Iowa and perhaps take the stance many people in Iowa did- my religion doesn't agree with it, I don't agree with it, but I am in no position to tell others how to live or to deny their right to equality. We're not looking to change religious beliefs (even though, personally, I think that whole, "It goes against the Bible's teachings" shit needs to go out the window), it's simply a matter of equality UNDER LAW. And I was taught in school that there is a separation of church and state. I am not silly enough to believe it actually is honored all of the time, but it is one of my core political beliefs. To continue to vote, in 2009, based on your religious ideals is one of the most dangerous things I believe you can do. There has to be a disconnect between politics and religion. And while I know I sound like a cloud-gazing dreamer, something has to give. To pour millions and millions of dollars (I'm looking at you, Mormon church) into promoting hate, when you yourselves are part of a marginalized group, is LUDICROUS.

I'll wrap it up with a quote from Alice Paul:

"I never doubted that equal rights was the right direction. Most reforms, most problems are complicated. But to me there is nothing complicated about ordinary equality."

I am bad at blogging. (Alternate title: I am not in fucking college anymore.)

I need to stop drinking like I'm 20 years old, without a care in the world, fucking about SUNY Cortland and barely working at a shitty retail job. I am going to be 25 next month, I am working full-time, and I go to school. Despite this harsh reality check (holy FUCK I am going to be 25) I still pound beers like it's going out of style.

But I like beer pong and I like Irish Car Bombs and I really like going to Fulgum's and seeing every fucking person from middle school there dancing to a DJ with a machine creating fog and people falling all over the place and arguing with the bouncer about how charging a cover for that dump of a bar is the most ridiculous thing ever.

Despite the fun I had I do not like that I think it's a grand idea to go back to someone's house at 3 in the morning and play another two rounds of beer pong, only to have our asses handed to us, pass out cold at 4:30 and then wake up regretting that my mother chose life.

That's all I can muster up at the moment.

Fact: Vampires are fucking lame.

I don't like vampires. I've talked about this a lot, but seriously, I do not like them. I like make-believe things (Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, LORD OF THE RINGS) and I like real things (The Mists of Avalon- uh yeah it was real. Trust) but I do NOT like vampires.

Ever since Buffy the Vampire Slayer I've had a slight distaste for vampires and people who are fans of them. I judge you. I judge you because I don't understand you, and that's how most judgment rolls. I fear the unknown. I don't fear vampires because they're not real, but I DO fear the people who think vampires are real.

And now we're going through Twilight-mania, which reminds me of New Kids On the Block mania, except now we're dealing with sullen, pale, moody crankpots and not adorable cute dudes from Boston. I supposed vampires make sense- some kids feel isolated, especially teenagers, and need something to relate to. I think the overwhelming majority, though, just love the taste of blood. And since they're not quite ready for Anne Rice and misguided trips to New Orleans, Twilight will have to do.

I was at Barnes and Noble this weekend and stumbled upon a display of vampire romances. Vampire. Romances. What is romantic about vampires? The fact that they have to fight a specific desire? You know that they're not fighting their love for the non-vampire crowd, they're fighting their desire to SUCK YOUR BLOOD.

Just stop with the vampires already. It's weird.

Water Coolers: The Bane of My Office Existence.

Man, working in an office is HARD. Not necessarily the work, because how hard is it to stare at an Excel spreadsheet for 7 hours out of your day, but the overall culture and environment is hard to get used to. Especially when it comes to water cooler etiquette.

See, I'm from the school of, "If you're getting water, and it's close to empty because you're getting water, you change the bottle." This school must be a Catholic school, because it's getting shut down left and right and only the weird kids go. Apparently, the new school is the one where you stand in front of me, take all the water, and walk out of the fucking kitchen because you'll be damned if you're going to stoop so low as to change a water cooler bottle.

What the hell is this? I mean, I've had to get used to women going to the bathroom and using enough toilet paper to cover my entire neighborhood on Halloween, I've dealt with listening to people leave the bathroom without washing their hands (to those people, I say- I hope you get swine flu, you sick sons-of-bitches). Learning to ignore that receptionist who refuses to acknowledge the "g" at the end of words has been hard, and it's a battle I face every day bravely. Despite these strides, I just can't seem to get my head around not helping your fellow co-workers by lifting a plastic bottle full of water.

Now, some might say the bottle is too heavy for them. Hogwash. Unless you are 7 or 77, you are perfectly capable of picking up that bottle, pouring a little in to make sure you don't make a complete mess and then flipping it over. Stop making such a scene and whining to a male co-worker, "Wah can you change the water cooler hehehehehe I can't do it I'm just a girl. Living in captivity." Be a woman. Lift that stupid bottle. Especially the mothers in this place. You raised KIDS, ladies. You're telling me you can't handle a 5 gallon bottle of water? Really? REALLY?

I think you gain a lot of respect for changing the water bottle. It means you're a woman who doesn't mind a little challenge and who can take care of shit when shit needs to be taken care of. And who cares if you fail and look like Tobias when he's talking up that Funke at the water cooler? At least you TRIED.

I have a fake tooth.

Only for a few months, and then I get a permanent replacement. But for now, I'm going to make use of the "flipper" tooth I have and do the following thing-

Next time someone bothers me at a bar, movie, supermarket, church, orgy, what have you, I'm going to take it right out of my mouth and say, "Can you hold this for me?"

It's my front tooth. It'll be HILARIOUS.

Bad Things That I Love: The Matchmaker.

I like a lot of bad things. One of them is the movie The Matchmaker. Ever hear of it? Probably not. I love it despite all of its flaws of which there are many.

Let's discuss why I love this movie. I love this movie because I am a sucker for romantic comedies (let us use that term very, very loosely) and I am especially a sucker for rom-coms set in Ireland. Here's how it works out mathematically (I got a 67 on my Math Regents, so I'm really good at this stuff):

Stupid romantic plot involving grouchy woman + hot Irish guy in a Aran Islands sweater + MILO O'SHEA + Ireland = my heart, it is mushed.

Do you know the plot of this gem of the silver screen? Janeane Garofalo plays Marcy Tizard. Marcy works for a Boston politician, Denis Leary plays the corrupt campaign manager, David O'Hara (aka Stephen from Braveheart) plays SEXY and Milo O'Shea plays the affable Irish matchmaker with the coolest eyebrows this side of that kid who was in About A Boy. Milo has a creepy room full of pictures of the couples he's married off. Can you guess where this is going already? No? Okay I'll continue.

Marcy has to go to Ireland to find the politician's Irish relatives, because everyone knows we Irish only vote for Irish people (YOU'RE WELCOME BARACK OBAMA) and while there she runs into Sexy McHotstuff and they hate each other but that hate really means love in rom-com language and Milo has a bet with the other matchmaker in town and then you're introduced to a bunch of stupid characters that should offend me with their outrageous portrayals of stupid stereotypes but you know what? I'm too damn busy crying tears of sadness because I start thinking to myself "All I want is a tall, rugged man who can drive a boat and who also knows how to write and who has messy hair that falls ever so sweetly into his eyes. Oh and he sings Van Morrison terribly but AT LEAST HE TRIES." Fuck my life.

Marcy and Sexyface get stuck on one of the Aran Islands and make whoopie. They come back to the mainland and Sexy's ex-wife is there. Milo dies and Marcy cries and Joe lies when he cries and then Marcy goes back to America after playing part in an elaborate hoax on the politician and Denis Leary (probably the best part of the whole movie) to teach them a lesson about taking advantage of the Irish for their own selfish political gain. Then the politician, who had been looking for love in all the wrong places, falls in love with Hottie Fitzfuckme's ex-wife and guess what HER LAST NAME IS KENNEDY SO THEY WIN THE ELECTION!!!!1111 HURRAY! THEY DID IT!!!

Also, Shane MacGowan sings like every song on the soundtrack.

And that's why I love The Matchmaker. You have a corny little romance and you also find out that no matter what Irish village you go to, there will be quirky odd birds that consider you part of the family and bitch about everything with you roughly 20 minutes into your stay.

Learn to merge, douchebag.

Let me share something with you- I like rules. Not all rules, but the ones that I've chosen to follow, I like. Not all people like my rules. I guess I don't blame them. My request that people refrain from putting an "x" in espresso is not met as often I would like, nor do they like it very much when I say, "It's you feel WELL, not good." It can get annoying, I know.

However, there's one rule I have that is hardly ever met, and I can never laugh it off or ignore it, and that's my rule about merging. And my rule is this: Do it right or else. It's not that hard (that's what she said.) Most people, unless they just started driving three weeks ago, should know how to properly merge. But they don't. They don't properly merge because the traffic gods hate my fucking guts and enjoy seeing me flip out in my car, screaming, "WHY ARE YOU SLOWING DOWN/STOPPING/RUINING MY LIFE?!" And oh how the traffic gods giggle at my plight, saying to themselves, "Oh man, that was awesome, that bitch in the Lexus just came to a complete stop trying to merge on a highway. Let's toss someone in front of her that has a "Your Mother Chose Life" bumper sticker on their Fiat to really ruin her day."

When people stop when they're merging, because they're too afraid or stupid to step on the gas, it makes me die a little inside. I know everyone is in a rush to get to work, and the super fast scary cars can make a person nervous, but if that's the case, I know of a great alternative- get your ass on a Beeline bus. If you want to drive on these roads, Bub, you better put the PEDAL TO THE METAL or something like that.

While we're on the topic of driving like a moron, let's add a few more rules:

Use your blinker.
Don't be a woman (I know this one is odd, coming from me, an authentic woman who is also a feminist, but seriously, women can't drive. They can't.)
Don't be old.
If you are driving a Hummer, you go right ahead and kill yourself for having the world's smallest penis.

I like music: The Get Up Kids, NYC, 5/1/09

I saw The Get Up Kids last Friday, and while it was an amazing show and I got to see a friend I haven't seen in far too long, it reminded me (very rudely, I might add) that I am getting old.

Sure, I'm not actually old. I'm a mid-twenties woman of the 90's (you heard me) who is, by standard definitions, young. However, when it comes to these shows, holy MOSES I'm old. When I saw TGUK were getting together for the 10th anniversary of Something To Write Home About, I nearly pooped my pants in shock. I NEARLY POOPED. MY. PANTS. That shit was ten years ago? Seriously? A whole decade has passed since I ditched Ace of Base and went starry-eyed for local bands like Nobody's Heroes? Because that's what TGUK reminds me of- my musical metamorphosis. Ten years has gone by and what do I have to show for it? Don't answer that.

So, seeing them on Friday was kind of surreal. I mean, I don't FEEL old, why I'm just hitting my prime!, but the fact that I had zero desire to stand in the pit (my friend and I sat in the seats) and my inability to get shitfaced drunk (like the prize-winner of nothing sitting behind us) reminded me that I will never get kicked in the face while dancing around again. And it made me sad, but also relieved, because I will never get kicked in the face again.

Also, for some reason, going to that show reminded me of when I would write Dashboard Confessional lyrics in my journal. Such an odd little memory to recollect. I blushed really hard from embarrassment just thinking about how dumb I used to be, and then I went and wrote some Dashboard lyrics in my NEW journal to express that embarrassment.

The cycle never ends.


The beginning of "I'm A Loner, Dottie, A Rebel" from the show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n8qtkxkVpU

Just Say No: Babies on Facebook

Don't get me wrong. Babies are cute. Most babies. Some babies, however, are not. Therefore, stop putting their ugly faces on your FB page. If you're going to do that, make the pictures private, since you are (and trust me on this) the only one to enjoy that mongrel's mug. Please refrain from documenting your fartfaced child's messy eating from every angle, no one cares to see the "Uh-oh I'm shitting in my pants face" 67 times a day, and oh, by the way, your baby is ugly.

Facebook has a vendetta against pictures depicting breast-feeding, and you know what, I think that's okay. I'm not saying breast-feeding is unnatural, I just don't think it has a place on Facebook. At least not on mainstream Facebook. Perhaps Zuckerfuck should look into making a "BabyFacebook" for all those parents out there that insist on flooding the interwebz with pictures of their suckling brats and snot-nosed offspring. It would save me a lot of stress and annoyance, and it would create an atmosphere more welcoming to those parents who have nothing better to do with their lives.

Am I right or am I right to think Facebook needs to stay clear and free of babies? I mean, I know what I Like on FB and I like my Top Five Things I Think About When I'm On The Toilet lists and I like seeing what my friends have become fans of ("Being Awesome" is the latest fad) but I do NOT like seeing babies that looks like they belong in Gremlins 2 (because Gremlins fucking ruled and the sequel sucked. And that's where ugly babies belong. In shitty movies.) I'm going to start a group, "No Babies on Facebook" and I bet I'll get like 73 fans.

And in case you were wondering-
1. Jesus
2. Susan Boyle
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. Geese
5. Bridezillas

The Introduction

I like to talk about stuff and make funny observations, just like 98% of my fellow bloggers (which is how we all refer to ourselves, including me, a brand-new blogger, because honestly, Livejournal doesn't and shouldn't ever count.)

P.S. My livejournal was nebraskabricks2.livejournal.com. I hope you're wearing Depends, because you're going to piss yourself.