Learn to merge, douchebag.

Let me share something with you- I like rules. Not all rules, but the ones that I've chosen to follow, I like. Not all people like my rules. I guess I don't blame them. My request that people refrain from putting an "x" in espresso is not met as often I would like, nor do they like it very much when I say, "It's you feel WELL, not good." It can get annoying, I know.

However, there's one rule I have that is hardly ever met, and I can never laugh it off or ignore it, and that's my rule about merging. And my rule is this: Do it right or else. It's not that hard (that's what she said.) Most people, unless they just started driving three weeks ago, should know how to properly merge. But they don't. They don't properly merge because the traffic gods hate my fucking guts and enjoy seeing me flip out in my car, screaming, "WHY ARE YOU SLOWING DOWN/STOPPING/RUINING MY LIFE?!" And oh how the traffic gods giggle at my plight, saying to themselves, "Oh man, that was awesome, that bitch in the Lexus just came to a complete stop trying to merge on a highway. Let's toss someone in front of her that has a "Your Mother Chose Life" bumper sticker on their Fiat to really ruin her day."

When people stop when they're merging, because they're too afraid or stupid to step on the gas, it makes me die a little inside. I know everyone is in a rush to get to work, and the super fast scary cars can make a person nervous, but if that's the case, I know of a great alternative- get your ass on a Beeline bus. If you want to drive on these roads, Bub, you better put the PEDAL TO THE METAL or something like that.

While we're on the topic of driving like a moron, let's add a few more rules:

Use your blinker.
Don't be a woman (I know this one is odd, coming from me, an authentic woman who is also a feminist, but seriously, women can't drive. They can't.)
Don't be old.
If you are driving a Hummer, you go right ahead and kill yourself for having the world's smallest penis.

I like music: The Get Up Kids, NYC, 5/1/09

I saw The Get Up Kids last Friday, and while it was an amazing show and I got to see a friend I haven't seen in far too long, it reminded me (very rudely, I might add) that I am getting old.

Sure, I'm not actually old. I'm a mid-twenties woman of the 90's (you heard me) who is, by standard definitions, young. However, when it comes to these shows, holy MOSES I'm old. When I saw TGUK were getting together for the 10th anniversary of Something To Write Home About, I nearly pooped my pants in shock. I NEARLY POOPED. MY. PANTS. That shit was ten years ago? Seriously? A whole decade has passed since I ditched Ace of Base and went starry-eyed for local bands like Nobody's Heroes? Because that's what TGUK reminds me of- my musical metamorphosis. Ten years has gone by and what do I have to show for it? Don't answer that.

So, seeing them on Friday was kind of surreal. I mean, I don't FEEL old, why I'm just hitting my prime!, but the fact that I had zero desire to stand in the pit (my friend and I sat in the seats) and my inability to get shitfaced drunk (like the prize-winner of nothing sitting behind us) reminded me that I will never get kicked in the face while dancing around again. And it made me sad, but also relieved, because I will never get kicked in the face again.

Also, for some reason, going to that show reminded me of when I would write Dashboard Confessional lyrics in my journal. Such an odd little memory to recollect. I blushed really hard from embarrassment just thinking about how dumb I used to be, and then I went and wrote some Dashboard lyrics in my NEW journal to express that embarrassment.

The cycle never ends.


The beginning of "I'm A Loner, Dottie, A Rebel" from the show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n8qtkxkVpU

Just Say No: Babies on Facebook

Don't get me wrong. Babies are cute. Most babies. Some babies, however, are not. Therefore, stop putting their ugly faces on your FB page. If you're going to do that, make the pictures private, since you are (and trust me on this) the only one to enjoy that mongrel's mug. Please refrain from documenting your fartfaced child's messy eating from every angle, no one cares to see the "Uh-oh I'm shitting in my pants face" 67 times a day, and oh, by the way, your baby is ugly.

Facebook has a vendetta against pictures depicting breast-feeding, and you know what, I think that's okay. I'm not saying breast-feeding is unnatural, I just don't think it has a place on Facebook. At least not on mainstream Facebook. Perhaps Zuckerfuck should look into making a "BabyFacebook" for all those parents out there that insist on flooding the interwebz with pictures of their suckling brats and snot-nosed offspring. It would save me a lot of stress and annoyance, and it would create an atmosphere more welcoming to those parents who have nothing better to do with their lives.

Am I right or am I right to think Facebook needs to stay clear and free of babies? I mean, I know what I Like on FB and I like my Top Five Things I Think About When I'm On The Toilet lists and I like seeing what my friends have become fans of ("Being Awesome" is the latest fad) but I do NOT like seeing babies that looks like they belong in Gremlins 2 (because Gremlins fucking ruled and the sequel sucked. And that's where ugly babies belong. In shitty movies.) I'm going to start a group, "No Babies on Facebook" and I bet I'll get like 73 fans.

And in case you were wondering-
1. Jesus
2. Susan Boyle
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. Geese
5. Bridezillas

The Introduction

I like to talk about stuff and make funny observations, just like 98% of my fellow bloggers (which is how we all refer to ourselves, including me, a brand-new blogger, because honestly, Livejournal doesn't and shouldn't ever count.)

P.S. My livejournal was nebraskabricks2.livejournal.com. I hope you're wearing Depends, because you're going to piss yourself.